Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
