love makes seman taste better
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
