Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
