we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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