Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im holly from the hills drunk
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
