Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
