"it" just moved
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
