I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize