Don't make out with my wife yet
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
