Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
