You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
