So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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