Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sext me about skeletons
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
