i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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