the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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