Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
