Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
