Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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