i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
