How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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