are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
