You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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