After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
