Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
