It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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