So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
