u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
