Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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