You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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