Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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