do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
this just has baby written all over it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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