By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
