You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
