Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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