I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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