consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
