I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
