I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
