You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize