He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
