I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
