I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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