Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need water and some morals
Randomize
