woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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