In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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