Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
