I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
