question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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