We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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