I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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