TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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