cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
