There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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