we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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