ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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