Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
