I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
