hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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