Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
