..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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