Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We are two peas in an std pod
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
