So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
