I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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