I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
