But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I lost the right to judge tonight
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