did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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