chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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