I have demons in me.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
