I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
